Feelings

It is too soon to be blogging again, but the predictably, unpredictable happened and the itch to blog - - - - well it followed. The happening is the engagement of my first grandchild, Ita.

It is kinda like being kicked up a generation, but not quite;
it is kinda like being rattled into maturity, but not quite;
it is kinda like being violently shaken awake and realizing this is old age, but not quite.

Yes, I am now in a new category, not quite another generation. Maturity? Well I don't really believe in that. If you've read this blog, you know a bit of how I feel about maturity. As for old age - sure I feel some of the 'infirmities of old age'*, some 'weakening of . . . parts'*, much 'slowing of energies'*, but not too much dulling of this 'aggressive mind'*.

Well, what is it really like?

It is a warm glow enveloping me, with an underlying sizzle of excitement. I dont quite know where to put myself. The facts on the ground say I am 'there' ('there' being some advanced stage in life) but I just dont feel it, or I refuse to acknowledge it.

Ita, your new status hasnt changed me, except - I can say it all, pretty much, in just one word: HAPPY!!! - I am happy!!! Your happiness, Ita, is infectious; it vibrates all the way over here in Israel.

Aaron, you must be special. What I hear about you, all sounds just so right. I am glad you found each other, and that you recognized the qualities in each other to make this momentous and joyous decision.

For your comments on yesterdays blog. I am onw looking at the 'allow comments' option, and as I said I welcome your comments

Where is Home? What is Home

Time to go blogging again. This suits me just fine, about 2X a year. Yes I am in Israel - came for 2 months this time. I cut a month off my usual stay, because I'm just a bit concerned about living life so far from 'home'.

"HOME" is such a complex concept. I know I should feel that this is my home. Would that it were so. I think I felt a bit more comfortable here before this last round of illness, but maybe not. The unusually hot weather, we were experiencing, reinforces my intolerance of the heat. Too often, I am the only one in the room who wants the air conditioning. What's wrong with all of them? Why aren't they hot?

The best thing about this country is the people. I do love them.

• Perhaps it takes a particular type of person to prosper here, and it is that type that I am drawn to
• Perhaps it is because so many of the people I meet are far from their families, and they compensate by building really warm strong relationships within their communities here, and I enjoy that warmth and inclusion.
• Perhaps it is my old theory: those who make Aliya are the creme de la creme of the Jewish community, wherever they come from: New York, Chicago, Montreal Melbourne, Johannesbourg, London or Antwerp. They are well educated, accomplished adults, who have brought all of that and their ambitions, entrepreneurial skills and ability to work hard to a country that want and nurtures those talents.

More than any of these qualities they have a devotion to family and community, and it is that devotion that drives them. Many of them had it really good, wherever they came from, but a certain spirituality was lacking (a certain 'je ne sais quoi'), and it seems that Israel has filled that void.

Perhaps I just want more people like that in my life.

And yet I really want whatever it is that I have in Montreal. I can't give it definition, and it certainly isnt rational, but so it is.

This rant certainly hasn't helped me define home, but now that I have shared all this with you, perhaps you'll have some interesting input.

I'm Back and Better Than Ever, Maybe!

It has been more than a year, since my last blog entry. I have a good excuse for most of that time. The trauma started in May, climaxed in August, when 3 female surgeons sliced and diced me for too many hours and pretty much removed all redundant organs from the waist down.

The WISE MEN - yes after the messy stuff, the guys took over - prescribed a dastardly melange of medications, to fix what they could not excise. And here I am today, after all of that and feeling pretty good.

I made it to Israel in the midst of these treatments, where I was hooked up with the local drug dealer who administered a course of the prescribed treatment. It was interesting to compare, and the facilities in Israel were very much on a par with the state of the art Facility here at the JGH.

I was happy to be with family there, but going wasnt the best decision of my life.

This is my second go around with serious illness and extensive treatment at the JGH, and I have to praise the facility. Every aspect of my care was excellent. Whilst at it I must also mention my dear children, and the care and caring they showed me. I am also so lucky to have the best friends - you know who you are. You were there for me, in person, on the phone, and by email. WOW! I am much blessed.

Yes, I lost my hair, and am now watching it grow back slowly, very slowly. You've heard of watching grass grow, well I am watcing hair grow. Same thing. Except for the colour. I am fantasizing about having thick wavy hair, but i dont think it will come to pass

So now I am enjoying some simple down time. I just need to relax and recover at my own slow pace. There is quite a lot of recovery, and it is happening, but I am not pressuring myself to get on a plane to go anywhere. I look forward to driving to Toronto for Pesach.

I write all of this from a very good place: Optimistic and Upbeat. Here, again I am blessed that 'Optimistic and Upbeat' are in my DNA. I have said all along that I am doing the very best I can, and I will continue to do so. I will not accept anything less of myself.

Good wishes to all of you, and is it too early to wish you all a Chag Kascher veSameach?